One by one, she undid each event, each decision, each choice.
If Davy had remembered to put on a coat.
If Seamie McGeown had not found himself alone on a dark street.
If Michael Agnew had not walked through the door of the pub on a quiet night in February in his white shirt.
I came late to this incredible story of love set in Ireland, a story that reaches across the barriers of age, religion and fidelity. I was first sent it in 2022 and read it once, then decided to read it again before watching the television series. On an ordinary day Michael Agnew walks into the pub belonging to Cushla’s family and a chain of events is set in motion that can’t be undone. Cushla teaches seven year olds who already know phrases like rubber bullet and petrol bomb, everything is upside down so why wouldn’t the married, Protestant barrister lock eyes on the Catholic schoolteacher half his age. As Cushla tries to help her pupils, particularly Davey McGeown, and deal with her alcoholic mother, she conducts a secret love affair, but there are forces moving beyond her control. As she desperately tries to keep all the disparate parts of her life under control and apart, they are on a collision course. I couldn’t stay away from this brilliant book, feeling so much for this young woman who simply falls in love in a place that’s far from simple. Her relationship with her mother is fascinating and as she moves in very different circles with Michael we feel her self-consciousness and doubt about herself. This is a place and time with very different rules to ours and their impact is utterly devastating.
We experience everything through Cushla, a young girl who works as a schoolteacher by day and struggles with boundaries. She goes above and beyond for Davey McGeown, with lifts home from school and loaning books to him and his teenage brother Tommy. When their father is severely beaten by paramilitaries she continues to help, at a potentially huge cost to her family’s safety. I loved her instincts to help but also understood her brother’s warning. Her home life can be a struggle, her mother Gina made me hugely angry with her drinking and self-pity. Sometimes she’s fit for nothing but bed, then on other occasions she can pull it together, especially if there’s a situation where she can be the centre of attention. It is this formative relationship that makes Cushla a ‘rescuer’ and leaves her open to being exploited. We see her relationship with Michael through her eyes only, the attraction is instant and mutual but only develops when he asks if she’ll teach him and his friends the Irish language. At first she feels a fool, taking her school books to people with advanced qualifications who are so much older than her. We never know Michael’s motivations, although he does seem to fall in love with Cushla we don’t know if the lessons are a manipulation. A means of spending time with her. I was watching to see if he was practised in adultery, is he a serial seducer of young women? No one mentions his wife in the small circle of friends she meets. There’s a huge power imbalance between them and Cushla never really thinks about his other life, until it’s right in front of her.
Love of any sort seems gentle and tender when placed against the backdrop of the troubles. Beatings and bombs are a regular occurrence. Violence is never far away. Killing is mentioned with regret and reverence, but still more casually than you’d expect. However, it is devastating to those left behind. As Cushla’s love affair with Michael intensifies so do political tensions in the town. Cushla’s attention is drawn by dramatic events close to home, totally unaware of where the real danger lurks, with tragic results that left me heartbroken. I loved the naivety of Cushla and her wish to make other people’s lives better. She’s less good at looking after herself and the secrets she keeps mean that when tragedy does strike she cannot share it and is utterly alone. It is only with the backdrop of this tragedy that Cushla sees how fragile peace and love can be. Her life is like a hall of mirrors, with events looking different depending on which position they’re viewed from. If Michael hadn’t stopped by the bar that night. If she’d never helped Davey McGeown. A photograph she finds in the bar shows that night and to those people drinking in the bar this is as close as she and Michael are, only she knows different
“Michael standing at the counter […] Cushla’s hands were just in the frame, slipping a beer mat under his whiskey, his outstretched fingers almost touching her wrist.”
This is an incredible debut from Louise Kennedy that captures the naivety of youth while also exploring infidelity, betrayal and complicated raw grief. This may be a secret love but is no less powerful for that.
Trespasses is available on C4 on demand.
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