Posted in Personal Purchase

The Homemade God by Rachel Joyce

I have always loved Rachel Joyce’s work, especially the Harold Fry series, but I also adored her more recent novel Miss Benson’s Beetle. This novel was slightly different from her other work, while it did have an eccentric character on a very singular quest and kept that complexity of emotions she does so well, it also had an historical context which I loved. In A Homemade God we see similar complex relationships, but within a family who have a famous father. Vic Kemp is a painter and I have an absolute fascination with painter’s lives and relationships. I love art and have read widely on groups like the Pre-Raphaelite Brotherhood and the group who gathered around Vanessa Bell and Duncan Grant down at Charleston in Sussex. After seeing a Lucien Freud retrospective at the Tate I was intrigued by his family. His children seemed to be the epitome of that creative and eccentric family we come to expect from artists. Bohemian upbringings are just so interesting because of how the development and character of the children are affected by it and how that family copes with the ‘genius’ in their midst.

Here the family in question are Vic and his four children – Netta, Susan, Iris and Goose (short for Gustav and the only boy). They’ve been parented by Vic and a series of au pairs after the sudden death of their mother just after Iris was born. Their father’s art came first always and the conditions he needed in order to create were paramount, so the oldest girls often played the mother role for Iris and Goose, especially when Vic inevitably slept with the au pairs and they left. Vic was not an artist celebrated by the establishment. The description of his paintings brought Jack Vettriano to mind, criticised heavily by the art world, but very popular with the public. Many of Vic’s paintings had a sexual element to them, a sort of soft BDSM theme, except for his only painting of one of his children, Iris. Depicted on the beach with a sandcastle and a man in the background, it brings up mixed memories for Iris. Now grown up, his children are stunned when Vic suddenly starts losing weight and drinking green, sludgy health drinks. It’s just so out of character. His diet is being looked after by his new girlfriend, 27 year old Bella-Mae. None of his children have met her and she doesn’t seem keen on trying. Within weeks Vic announces they’re engaged and Netta suggests that they all stand back and give this the space it needs to fizzle out. A couple of weeks later, Vic announces their marriage with a single photograph from the family home in Orta on Isola Son Guilio with Bella-Mae in such a heavy veil they can’t make out her face. They are staying at the family villa, situated on an island in the middle of Lake Orta and only two days later Netta is stunned by a phone call from a stranger called Laszlo, claiming to be Bella’s cousin. Vic has been dragged from the lake, drowned after a morning swim went wrong as the mist descended. Vic knew that lake so well. Why would he go swimming in the mist? His children come together to travel to Orta, to finally meet their new stepmother and to find out whether she has killed their father. 

I really enjoyed the different personalities of the Kemp siblings and how they complement and clash with each other. Netta has definite older sister energy. She’s the most organised and ambitious of all the siblings with a background in law. She is the most cynical too, convinced Bella’s health drinks have poisoned her father and now after two days of marriage she could inherit everything. Her instinct was to ransack Vic’s London home for the anything resembling a will and to find Vic’s final painting. There’s nothing, but maybe he was painting in Orta? Susan is also older and very organised especially when it comes to food or her stepsons. Married to Warwick who is a much older man she has some empathy and understanding for her father’s relationship. She hasn’t worked, but stayed at home to look after Warwick’s boys which has been a thankless task as they’ve barely accepted her. Susan is passionate about food, but she chose a relationship without that same feeling. Perhaps viewing the volcanic nature of Vic’s relationships she decided to go for a calmer and more stable love. It has proved a successful partnership but there are wild depths underneath Susan’s calm exterior and when she meets Bella’s cousin Laszlo they might rise to the surface. 

Goose and Iris, the younger siblings, both seem lost somehow, perhaps because they don’t have those memories of their mother and only remember the erratic presence of Vic and the revolving au pairs. Since his father’s agent Harry set up Goose’s first exhibition, he has never painted again. When left alone just before his open view, he destroyed his canvasses and nobody knows why. He seemed catatonic and voluntarily checked into hospital for his mental health. He lives quite a lonely life and never talks about his sexuality or takes a partner home to meet family. He works quietly as his father’s studio assistant and lives alone. Iris lives alone too and she comes across a bit liked a startled fawn. She follows behind her sisters and dotes on her father more than others, struggling to keep her distance when Netta suggests it. She does keep secrets though, seismic in their power. As they all travel to their villa in Northern Italy, ready to confront their father’s 27 year old widow and her cousin, Netta tells them they have two objectives. Find anything that could be a will, even if it’s on the back of an envelope and find that last painting Vic claimed to be working on. 

Bella isn’t what the siblings expect and nor is the villa. The villa looks beautiful and tidy for once. Bella seems insubstantial and too fragile to have caused such an uproar. She looks like she might blow away in a breeze. Yet they’ve pictured her with an iron will, imposing her diet on their father and gaining their inheritance. She will prove to be a mirror through which each of them evaluate their lives. I love family sagas and this one is brilliant. It’s psychologically fascinating and I’m not going to ruin that for you by delving too deeply. I was absolutely transfixed! I couldn’t work out whether there was deliberate manipulation at play or if this was just a case of an outsider causing people to view everything through a different lens. Is Bella a destructive force or a helpful one? Whatever she is, the siblings will have to look at themselves, their choices and their relationship to their father. Some revelations will be explosive and take place in public – one particular meal is cataclysmic. Other revelations are quieter, insidious or internal but no less devastating. Goose’s story left me furious and devastated at the same time. The book works almost like therapy, but without the care and ethics. No one will come out of this trip unaffected.

The author made me think about how we view artists and our expectations of them – whether they are potters, painters or writers. We read about their messy and eccentric lives with fascination, but we don’t always consider the damage they do to those closest to them. I’ve always wondered how Lucien Freud’s daughters felt about posing for him, especially in their awkward teenage years. Iris’s story gave me some insight and made me feel deeply uncomfortable. This was such a beautifully complex study of a family’s dynamics and how each sibling positions themselves within it. Rachel Joyce has depicted the way we mythologise people within our family groups and the stories we choose to represent us. We choose stories to tell others who we are and when we do that we can embroider or edit for the effect we want. Think about the stories in your families and whether they’re honest or whether you are trying to represent yourselves within a particular class, religion or other social structure? Do we do this consciously or unconsciously? This is a very different novel for the author but it’s definitely built on her ability to present very deep emotions and the truth of human experience. I think it’s her best yet. 

After reading the novel, you might enjoy reading this article about Lucien Freud’s relationship with his daughter Annie.

https://www.vanityfair.com/culture/2013/10/lucian-freud-nude-portrait-daughter-annie#:~:text=His%20complex%20relationship%20with%20daughter,recalls%20the%20artist’s%20paternal%20demons.

Meet the Author

Posted in Netgalley

River of Stars by Georgina Moore

This book has the magical ability to captivate the reader. I found myself a fishing widow one night last week so I went to bed early and started reading. When I woke up the next morning I picked it straight back and read through to the end. I hadn’t even removed my glasses to sleep. The author has managed to make this feel like an escape, as well as heart-achingly romantic and with a bohemian setting that appealed to the creative in me. Walnut Tree Island is in a tributary of the Thames and back in the 1960s the owner, George, managed to turn a part derelict hotel into a sought after music venue. Based on Eel Pie Island, Walnut Tree is a harmonious combination of up and coming musicians, artists and picturesque riverboats and in 1965 is a weekly Mecca for young people. One of them is Mary Star, a young girl with a beautiful voice and a head full of dreams. It’s there one night when musician and up and coming front man Ossie Clark notices Mary in the crowd as she’s hoisted up on someone’s shoulders. Ossie is about to hit the big time, but he’s captivated by Mary and when he meets her he encourages her to sing with him. They are so in love and lay down in the grasses by the Wilderness – the most beautiful part of the island. When reality hits Mary knows she has to make a choice for both of them, although Ossie doesn’t reject the idea of becoming a father. He asks her to go to America with him, but the adults in her life, including George, make her realise how difficult that’s going to be. There will be compromises and although Ossie can’t see it now, what if he resents her and their baby? She’s left with her baby Ruby and a broken heart, but also a place to live on the island gifted by George. 

Years later her granddaughter Jo experiences first love on the island. Used to running wild between Mary’s cottage Willows and houseboats, she meets George’s grandson Oliver when he visits the island. He’s the island’s heir, but such things don’t matter to young people and they have a magical summer thinking their love is all they need to sustain them. Now Oliver has returned from NYC as the new owner of Walnut Tree Island which has become a thriving community of musicians and artists all supported by Mary who is the mother of the community. The whispers over what might happen to the island start fairly quickly, not least the ownership of Willows that has always been a verbal agreement with George. Jo now teaches art to children in one of the houseboats. Once an incredible artist she seems to lose her confidence in creating and her career never fully got off the ground. How will she cope with Oliver back on the island, as handsome as ever, but with a touch of New York sophistication. More to the point, how will Oliver feel seeing Jo again? It’s not long before the red-headed firebrand is at his door, fighting on behalf of Mary and the rest of the community. But does she really know what his plans are? Changes are coming to the island, but some things are as constant as the river flows. Could their love be one of them? 

As in her debut novel The Garnett Girls, Georgina has created a family of very strong women and allows them to tell their own tale. We also have the narrative of one of Jo’s closest friends, Sophie, who is another stalwart of the island community along with her husband Dave who runs the boatyard. I found Mary’s story so sad because she doesn’t get to fulfil her dreams of being a singer and loses the love of her life in Ossie. After that she has friends and protectors. Firstly there’s Oliver’s grandfather George who makes sure Mary and her baby have a roof over their head because he feels responsible for her and Ruby. Yet there’s no romance on her part and she still loves Ossie. I thought she made a huge sacrifice not going with him, but she doesn’t want to hold him back and as George points out he needs to be available to his adoring fan base. She never hears from him, until he makes the call no mother wants to receive. Then there’s Gotlibe, whose mixed-race relationship with Mary did raise eyebrows in the 1970s. She can’t remember when their relationship became more friends than lovers. Is now too late to change things? She is the undisputed Mother of the island, the first one called when something goes wrong or a resident needs advice, she’s the chair of the resident’s association and the first to volunteer for any of the island’s celebrations. I loved the island’s sense of community and their shared philosophy of finding joy in the small things and celebrating life whenever they get the opportunity. 

I thought Sophie’s husband Dave was a lovely man, happy with his lot in life and not really needing anything accept his boatyard, friends, a cold beer and Sophie. He was Oliver’s best friend that summer so it’s not long before they’re catching up. Sophie knows that her best friend Jo is struggling with his presence after all this time. She has a city job as a West End Theatres PR, a job that she loves despite it being stressful at times. She’s fascinated with Oliver, who has travelled, lived and worked in Manhattan. So when he calls and asks her for a drink in London after work she is tempted. Dave seems destined to settle even further into island life. Nearing 40 he wants to start a family but Sophie doesn’t want a baby and has secretly continued to take the pill. She’s drawn to Oliver, but is it really him or the sense of freedom he represents? However, it’s Jo you will root for throughout the novel, because despite her tendency to self-sabotage and fly off the handle she’s a truly lovely person and a loyal friend. I think I felt an affinity for her because I have a tendency to self-sabotage my writing. I start full of hope, then read it back and think ‘who would want to read this?’ Jo went to study in Florence, but ended up in a relationship with someone who derided her talent and put doubts in her mind. When they broke up she flew straight home without finishing her course and has never painted again. After Oliver’s return something clicks and she feels an urge to paint, including an abstract of her mother, Ruby. Gotlibe is hoping she’ll exhibit them when they open for the public in the summer. I loved Jo’s return to Italy because it elevated the novel beyond the romance and into the tough part of working on one’s self. Watching characters bloom is my favourite thing and Jo’s eyes are opened to her part in how her life has turned out. The realisation that other people might have had similar setbacks, but stayed and carried on is huge. She chose to believe the criticism and allowed it to affect half of her life. When she meets up with old friend Claudia it encourages her to take some risks, to settle into herself, wear some colour and own it. Is Oliver also a risk worth taking? 

Oliver and Jo originally bonded over a shared trauma, the loss of someone close. I was unsure whether the romance could or even should rekindle. The romantic in me wanted it, but he’s made choices that could derail their reunion. Jo doesn’t know if he’s still the Oliver she knows, or is he just playing at island life? He could turn round and evict them all tomorrow. I felt that Jo needed to see that Oliver knew the value of what he’d inherited, both it’s history and the unique community that now live there. If he commits to the island could they have a future? The island is magical, completely encapsulating the Japanese concept of ‘wabi-sabi’ with the beauty of it’s imperfections. The part derelict hotel was a perfect venue with it’s fairy lights and candles, giving off a nostalgic 1960’s boho that I loved and I know my mum will too. I was thinking of her throughout reading this book because in the early 1970s my mum travelled to London for a Neil Diamond concert with an invitation to meet him beforehand. My Grandad insisted on going with her, but waited outside when she went to meet him backstage. My mum said ‘if I don’t come back he’s asked me to run away with him and I’m going.’ I loved her innocence in thinking this and her guts for saying it to my rather anxious grandad. It was a time that was less cynical, where teenage girls did think dreams might come true and that love would conquer anything and it’s that spirit that this novel evokes. Of course Mum didn’t run off with Neil, affectionately called ‘Dima’ in our family because I couldn’t say his name properly, but they did correspond and she ran his UK fan club too. I hope there’s an alternate universe where my mum did get to run off with Neil. Just as I hope for one where Mary agreed to go on tour with Ossie and their daughter, living happily ever after. This is a gorgeous bitter sweet novel that will remind you of the posters you had on your bedroom wall, of those pangs of first love, of roads not taken. It also made me fall in love with the resilient and rebellious Star women and the community they called home. I’m happy to say this is the perfect summer read.  

Out Now from HQ Stories

Meet the Author

Georgina Moore grew up in London and lives on a houseboat on the River Thames with her partner, two children and Bomber, the Border Terrier.   The Garnett Girls was her debut novel and is set on the Isle of Wight, where Georgina and her family have a holiday houseboat called Sturdy. Georgina’s new novel River of Stars is published on 3rd July and is inspired by the legendary Eel Pie Island and its colourful history as a rock and roll haven in the 1960s, and by her own life on the river.

Posted in Netgalley

Love, Sex and Frankenstein by Caroline Lea

Mary Shelley, the author of Frankenstein, was born in 1797 to politician and writer William Godwin and his wife and fellow writer, Mary Wollstonecraft who wrote The Vindication of the Rights of Women. In her book she made, possibly the first, claim that women were not naturally inferior to men. It was a feminist manifesto centuries ahead of it’s time. Sadly Mary’s mother died only eleven days after she was born from puerperal fever, leaving Godwin to raise Mary as a single father. However, he remarried in 1801 to a widow with two children of her own, Clare being very near in age to her stepsister Mary. In 1841 Mary became connected to the poet Percy Bysshe Shelley, a well-known writer who was already married with three children. Shelley was 22 and Mary was 16. Facing nothing but criticism and social sanctions in London, the couple decided to escape to the continent along with Mary’s step-sister Clare. They then settled for a time on Lake Geneva, sharing a house with Lord Byron and his doctor Polidori. As the weather changed they become snowed in for a period of time and one of the diversions thought up by Byron was that each of them write a ghost story. Up until this point, Mary has only written in her journal but she can feel something stirring within her and in this strange place, Frankenstein’s monster is born. 

Probably every English Graduate who specialised in Gothic Fiction has fantasised about a stormy night, in a house on the edge of a lake near Geneva. That night was supposedly the genesis of the first vampire story – Polidori’s The Vampyre – and Mary Shelley’s classic horror, Frankenstein. It always seemed strange to me, how two iconic horror legends were conjured up in the same place on the same night. Of course it was a longer period of time and everything these writers experienced in their young lives so far was fuel for their creativity. The setting is definitely strange and unsettling. Caroline Lea paints a picture of the lake becoming monstrous, magical but evil too and no longer a place where children paddle and dive underwater. The sky is dark, trees look like ‘funeral lace’ and ash rains down from above. Local people have noticed that at times the lake throws up strange shadows and clouds, some that look like sky cities floating in the air. When they find a man called Karl Vogel drowned in the lake with his eyes turned from brown to blue – they are shocked, but this is a place of transformation. It’s as if nature is creating the perfect circumstances for monsters to be born. 

This incredible book. is a brilliant combination of historical and horror fiction, with a large side order of feminism – all of my favourite things. Every time I put the book down I would look at my husband and say ‘wow’ then try to write down everything that struck me. I ended up with ten pages of notes that I now need to build into coherent sentences and do this novel justice! Firstly the historical settings were incredible. When we first meet Mary and Clare, they are living in lowly lodgings in London. Mary’s baby is born and they are desperately trying to avoid the bailiffs that seem to follow Shelley wherever he goes. The author really captures 18th Century London with the girl’s filthy lodgings a bleak place to look after a baby. They’re also struggling to sleep, worried that any moment their flimsy door will be kicked down. This is the reality of being the mistress and illegitimate child of a well-known poet who does not pay his debts and has retreated back to his family home. I never imagined that Shelley left her in this position. I’d imagined them living on Lake Geneva complete with servants and all the excesses that Byron was famous for, then travelling around Europe, leaving their troubles behind them. Their relationship would probably be considered abusive now, not just because of their age difference but because of the way Shelley manipulates her. Something that only worsens when Byron and his peculiar brand of chaos are on the scene. When Mary tries to stick up for herself, all the qualities he supposedly loved about her – her independence, her spirit, her intelligence – are thrown back at her, in order to control, manipulate and punish her. He calls her a good mother, but also accuses her of fretting and becoming boring. It is her independent spirit that landed her in Shelley’s arms but he’d rather she didn’t have the independence to question him, refuse him or leave him. His threat is very clear:

‘Women who leave their children, will never see them again’. 

Of course Shelley wouldn’t give up his carefree life to look after his child. He would probably hire a string of nursemaids to seduce then discard, until his only option is to dump his son on his long suffering wife who is pregnant again. Mary starts to realise that although he professes to love her, once she has become a mother she is always expendable. My urge to slap Mary’s step-sister Clare started early in the book and flared up very frequently. She has absolutely no girl code. She had left with Mary in the hope of rekindling a brief liason with Byron. However, it’s clear she’s happy to switch affections if he isn’t there, even onto Shelley. She flirts and simpers, touching his arm and holding his hand to guide her outside. Byron’s treatment of Clare is utterly cruel, he manages to ghost her even when they’re finally face to face. He refuses to acknowledge she exists and then only picks her up again when the weather descends and there are no other prospects. Despite this it is hard to like her, especially when she gains snippets of information from Shelley only to drop them on Mary when they’ll hurt the most. The arrogance of both poets is endless! Byron isn’t just a seducer of women, he drinks and takes laudanum at every opportunity too. He abuses his supposed friend and doctor Polidori, considering him dull and mimicking his stutter in front of the women. His own disability is never mentioned by anyone – the limping stride he’s had since childhood is overlooked or even compensated for as Mary notices some people unconsciously falling into step next to him, slowing their stride to match his. His impulsivity is like that of a toddler, moving mid-week from a hotel to the house on the lake, determined not to pay for the weeklong stay he originally booked. It will cost more for the hotelier to clean up after his bizarre animals, including two eagles, a huge dog and a monkey. He sets his sights on Mary and despite his magnetism she can see what he truly is – a boy throwing mud at windows to detract from his own badness and shortcomings. 

The setting is glorious and it’s clear why frozen mountains, cavernous lakes and the arctic weather feature heavily in Frankenstein. It’s where Mary goes to have time to think, away from the chaos and hedonism indoors. The seemingly magical weather conditions are explicable, even though they feel supernatural. Lake Geneva is known for throwing up mirages called ‘Fata Morgana’. They take the form of distorted boats just above the horizon or even ‘castles in the air’, where a whole city seems projected into the clouds. Named after Morgan Le Fay the mirages are created by rays of light pass through air layers of different temperatures. The sheets of ice on a lake keep the surface air cooler than in the layers above. It’s easy to see why people might by unnerved by something that appears so otherworldly. A more psychological phenomenon that’s clearly takes hold within the house is cognitive dissonance, felt strongly by Mary in particular. The villa is starting to feel like a place she doesn’t belong because her emotions and reactions don’t seem to match anyone else’s in the group. 

‘She feels like a stranger in the foreign land of this room, unable to understand their bright chatter and loud laughter […] every moment takes her further away from these awful people who carry on as if she isn’t there at all’. 

Motherhood and the reality of being Shelley’s mistress has changed Mary and it’s so relatable. She wonders whether all women feel pulled in so many different directions at once. She also wonders if she ever had a true understanding with Shelley. A fire that lit up her heart and her mind is now glimpsed very rarely and she wonders if it ever truly existed. Has she fallen in love with her idea of Shelley – the one who creates the grand illusion of romance in his poems. He doesn’t love her, merely the idea of love itself. In disappointment with all men she turns to the wisdom of women, particularly her mother’s work. Mary Wollstonecraft was the first woman to write a feminist manifesto and she truly understood what needed to change for women – the problem of having to depend on a man. She realised that nurturing women’s learning was the first step: 

‘Strengthen then the female mind by enlarging it and there will be an end to blind obedience’. 

Women could only overcome their dependence on men if they were educated and could earn their own living. In Mary’s dark night of the soul she hears her mother’s voice encouraging and coaching her and the minute she does Mary’s able to breathe again and see a clear way to support herself – by selling her writing. Once she can do that, it no longer matters whether Shelley is inconstant or distant – she does not depend upon him for security and stability. She is ashamed that despite her intellect she has allowed this man to reduce her. Yet she has to tread a fine balance and think these things rather than say them outright. She fears that Polidori’s friendship with the two men, means they have convenient access to a doctor. If she fully expresses what she feels might Shelley think her mad and seek to have her committed? However, she is furious that she might be asked, yet again, to grant forgiveness to a man who is not sorry. She feels that both poets have taken and ruined promising young women, not caring that the consequences of their actions will rest solely on the girl’s shoulders. She wonders what it must be like to take up space in the world, to believe it is your birthright to dictate the temperature of every room they’re in. It is Byron’s arrogance that becomes her blueprint for a future self, allowing herself to be angry and consequences to be damned. She wants to be more like him, true to her emotions and principles and saying exactly what she thinks without worrying about the outcome. In fact it’s a dalliance with Byron where Mary seems to find more strength. It’s an uncomplicated exchange of desire, full of passion, but at no paint does he take anything from her. It gives her the strength to confront Shelley about returning to his wife and leaving both women at the mercy of debt collectors, out of sight and out of mind. She finds her voice and addresses Shelley as a man, rather than the great poet, making her feelings about his infidelity very clear, but also pointing out his cowardice and the times he hasn’t been there for her. 

I loved how the story of Frankenstein’s monster is psychological fragments stitched together, just like the monster himself. Through writing Mary processes her own emotions and thoughts which then feed into the emotions of the abandoned monster. She remembers stories of medical students digging up bodies and stealing them for dissection. Then she gives the creature an internal monologue, ripe with the emotions she has felt, but never expressed. Frankenstein leaves his monster just as Shelley left Mary and their baby in squalor. She’s writing a criticism of men who create with no thought for the thing they’ve created. Victor Frankenstein goes to sleep expecting his creature to die and feels nothing. The creature meanwhile feels a combination of Mary’s grief and abandonment, first losing her mother and then the loss of her father, a man who brought her up to have a rebellious spirit and think for herself, but rejected her when she lives by these principles. Mary is this bewildered and angry creature and that’s perhaps why she gives her monster the equivalent of philosopher John Locke’s tabula rasa – the blank slate of a small child ready to experience nature, love and all that is beautiful. Frankenstein’s monster embodies the nature/nurture debate in that the creature isn’t born evil, it’s other people’s cruel treatment of him that makes him monstrous. Her writing has processed all these feelings and working through them makes her feel hopeful for the first time. She might return to London with her son and instead of being beholden to Shelley or her father, she could keep them both with her own writing. 

Typically, blinded by his own arrogance Shelley doesn’t see himself in Victor Frankenstein at all. At first Mary thinks he’s feigning ignorance, but he genuinely can’t see his own reflection. He sees too much ambiguity in the story, thinking either the creature should make Victor look at his own shortcomings or she should make it so monstrous that no reasonable person would expect Victor to care for it. I loved the way she takes his criticism, because it shows us how much Mary has grown up. She realises that at every stage on the way to publication there will be a man who wants to shout his opinion. It doesn’t matter, because she knows they will all be mistaken. The book, like the creature at it’s centre, will be sent out into the wilderness looking for a creator. She’s fairly sure it will find one, because she knows her book is special. As for Caroline’s book, this is an absolute masterpiece and made me think about Frankenstein from so many different angles. Caroline Lea’s Mary take us through the psychological trauma and brings to life her relationship with Shelley, often told in a rather salacious or romantic way without any thought to the inequality between them. Through this experience she guides the reader through the genesis of this incredible novel. It is stitched together from so many different parts, but here we can see them all and understand the circumstances they come from. What Caroline has written is a Bildungsroman, a novel of Mary’s rebirth from girlhood to womanhood. Frankenstein is the chronicle of that birth, as messy, terrifying, horrific and momentous as it is. This birth being the genesis of Mary Shelley as a woman but also as a writer of one of the most important novels in literature.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    

Meet the Author

Caroline Lea grew up in Jersey and gained a First in English Literature and Creative Writing from the University of Warwick, where she has also taught on the Creative Writing degree. Her fiction and poetry have been longlisted for the BBC Short Story Prize and Sunday Times Short Story Award, and shortlisted for the Bridport Prize, the Fish Short Story Competition and various flash fiction prizes. Her novel, THE GLASS WOMAN, was published to critical acclaim and shortlisted for the HWA Debut Crown. Her next novel, THE METAL HEART, was Scottish Waterstones Book of the Month. Her most recent novel, PRIZE WOMEN was featured and acclaimed on BBC Women’s Hour. Caroline is passionate about helping other writers to grow and succeed: she teaches creative writing both privately and, currently, for Writing West Midlands and is often recruited to give talks at literary festivals and events. She currently lives in Warwick with her partner and children and is working on her next novel about Mary Shelley writing Frankenstein. Her books often feature ordinary women in extraordinary circumstances.

Posted in Squad Pod Collective

Girl Falling by Hayley Scrivenor 

Finn is taking her girlfriend Magdu climbing for the first time. Magdu is nervous about heights so Finn is taking extra special care to explain everything about the abseil they’re attempting. As Finn lowers herself over the edge to control the descent from beneath, she is sure she has Magdu ready and composed on the blue rope, with friend Daphne on the red rope. She’s waiting to feel the weight of someone lowering them selves over the edge, but is surprised when it seems to be the wrong side. Magdu was meant to come over first but this is the red rope so it must be Daphne. The next thing Finn sees is Magdu hurtling towards her and then towards the ground, with a haunting scream. As both Finn and Daphne are taken in to the police station for questioning, Finn starts to think of an earlier time in her life when someone else she loved fell to their death. The truth of that day is something she’s only ever shared with Daphne. This time it’s a potential murder investigation so she’s going to have to protect herself, but might that mean the end of her friendship with Daphne?

My goodness this was a deliciously toxic friendship to get my therapist’s mind whirring. Finn and Daphne meet at school after a very traumatic occurrence in Finn’s family life. Finn is so vulnerable and hasn’t shared with anyone what truly happened when her little sister Suzy lost her life on a family camping trip. Suzy fell from a cliff edge in the night, but is that all there is to it? Daphne, who has also suffered the loss of a sibling, so knows exactly what to do with someone in that state of mind. She can’t change anything but she can sit with Finn and share her sadness and guilt. Finn is our narrator and we see everything through her eyes and she’s also been struggling with her sexuality, until Magdu comes along.  However, I could also see how the combination of Finn’s kindness and fear of being exposed, left her open to exploitation. I didn’t fully bond with Finn as a narrator, I was unsure whether to trust her or not. She did set off my maternal streak though, because I wanted to see her safe and protected. She’s kind and cares about the environment, her family and climbing. My instinct was that she needed to be as far away from Daphne as possible. She’s manipulative, knowing exactly what and how much to tell Finn to draw her into her confidence and keep her beholden. I wasn’t even sure whether it was the truth. 

I felt, very early on, that Daphne wanted Finn all to herself. When Finn first introduces her to Magdu at a club, its not long before Daphne finds a way to get Magdu alone. She lets slip a secret, making sure Finn doesn’t know exactly how much of the story she’s revealed. As Magdu leaves after the confrontation, Daphne tells Finn it’s her own fault. If she’d wanted Daphne to lie she could have just told her. I was unsure whether Daphne and Finn’s relationship is platonic or romantic, but I was sure about it’s complexity. There’s no room for a third person. Finn tells us about Daphne’s hair and how beautiful she is, there’s clearly an attraction but Daphne also likes to flirt with the male climbers in front of Finn. On the day of the accident there’s a very handsome climber hanging around at the top of the cliff with a huge hunting knife and Daphne makes a bee line for him. She’s used Finn’s grief and guilt and their shared loss of a sibling, to keep her constantly on a tight rein. I felt like Daphne was absolutely capable of harming Magdu. She potentially harms their relationship then reminds Finn that she is the only person who truly knows her, that it’s the two of them against the world. Yet Finn isn’t innocent in this toxic mix, she is complicit by not telling Magdu the same secrets that Daphne knows. Finn is a troubled soul, plagued with insomnia and often going for midnight walks. I thought she needed to choose between her friend and her lover, but I also wondered what Daphne was capable of doing if Finn  chose Magdu. In amongst all the psychological machinations and flashbacks the author keeps bringing us back to the present and the more precise methods of the police investigations. 

The flitting back and forth between the narrators gives rise to the tension that keeps you reading. Both are utterly unreliable and untrustworthy, especially when we think about the enormity of their secrets. The two are bonded and no one else could come between them, it’s as if Finn has been in a relationship with Daphne all along without realising. I craved some input from Daphne’s perspective because I imagined her version of events would look very different, although not necessarily true. They would also be a fascinating insight into her mind. I kept coming back to personality disorders and the way people portray their lives to the rest of the world. Daphne genuinely struck me as a person with potential narcissistic personality disorder. She has a version of the long held friendship she’s had with Finn and she’s keen on putting that version in front of others, especially Magdu. To use an inelegant phrase it’s like a dog marking their territory. The question is, how much of that version is actually true? One of the markers of NPD is the person’s manipulation of both people and events, but it isn’t a conscious action. They believe in their truth wholeheartedly, sometimes repeating a made-up narrative over and over until it actually becomes a the truth in their mind. When they first meet, Daphne and Finn discuss their shared experiences and Daphne explains how she chose to rewrite her story as an ancient myth, invoking Greek gods and particularly epic poetry. She has taken the heightened and exaggerated heroism of these stories to spin her own life narrative and has rewritten her personality to match. I wasn’t sure about the ending I would get, but there was a twist and it was a satisfying conclusion. My only criticisms of the book would be that it was slow in parts and I felt the author could have used the setting more, because apart from a mention of the Blue Mountains I didn’t feel the characters connected with it enough, especially Finn. However, this was a very character driven thriller which really enjoy and it’s deep delve into the motivations and desires of Finn and Daphne were absolutely compelling. 

Meet the Author

Hayley Scrivenor is the author of DIRT TOWN, which published internationally in 2022 (published as DIRT CREEK in the U.S., where it was a USA TODAY bestseller) and quickly became a #1 Australian bestseller. The novel has been shortlisted for multiple national and international awards. In 2023, it won a Lambda Literary Award and General Fiction Book of the Year at the Australian Book Industry Awards. DIRT TOWN has been translated into several languages. GIRL FALLING, described as “a remarkable exercise in complex storytelling written in Scrivenor’s idiosyncratic, metaphorically vivid prose”, is her second novel.

Hayley has a PhD in Creative Writing from the University of Wollongong and lives on Dharawal country, on the east coast of Australia.

Posted in Squad Pod Collective

CL Taylor It’s Always The Husband 

This is one of those thrillers where you’re immediately sucked into this narrator’s life and her new circle of school mums or frenemies. When Jude first arrives in Lowbridge with daughter Betsy it’s a new start and she’s keen to get to know the other mums. However, she soon works out that Victoria is the queen of the school mum scene and everyone wants to be in her clique. Victoria appears to have her shit together – a lovely home with all those aspirational touches like a fire pit table, matching lawn chairs and fluffy blankets for when it gets cool in the evening. She has two kids, heads up the PTA and runs her own business as a personal trainer. Although Jude finds the mums a bit cliquey she does hit it off with one of the dads. Will has a little girl of Betsy’s age and is a widower, there is something very attractive about him and Jude receives the red flag a little too late. When finally invited to a garden get together at Victoria’s she’s warned that not only did Will’s first wife die, but his second wife Robyn went missing and lightning doesn’t strike in the same place twice. It seems that the mums don’t believe in coincidences. When Sorrel, another one of the mums, is targeted by a blackmailer pretending to be Robyn she is stunned that Robyn might still be alive. With a husband struggling with depression, three children and a pottery to run Sorrel has her hands full. Her husband Finnley did go out a few nights ago, he rang her to say he’d hit an animal and the bonnet has a large dent in it. So why is this woman so sure he wasn’t where he claimed to be and that he’s responsible for a hit and run miles away. Victoria’s husband Andy is a detective and they’ve split fairly recently. He was struggling because he couldn’t solve the missing person case and he still doesn’t know where Robyn went. As Sorrel, Victoria and Jude come together to solve this case they know it isn’t going to be easy and that it comes with great risk. There is a killer in Lowbridge and they’re determined to find who it is. 

This perfectly paced thriller is narrated by all three women, with short excerpts from a diary Jude finds under Will’s bed that they assume is Robyn’s. It shows a side to her that’s completely different to the sweetness and light image she projected while with Will. Her dedication to him and the little girl who’s already lost one mum gives her an almost saintly reputation, but someone knows better. If she’s behind the blackmail plot there’s something Machiavellian about her ability to act and manipulate those she wants to fool. These are ballsy women across the board though, with none of them running to men to get this sorted. Victoria pursues one mum called Theresa down to Devon after she leaves unexpectedly and with no goodbye. Stalking her her husband’s open Facebook page Victoria notices an open, but unpacked box. In it she sees an expensive bird ornament that disappeared from her own house, plus some things belonging to other mums. Maybe Theresa is involved somehow? She’s clearly perfectly willing to steal from them. When she finally tracks Theresa down to the local pub for a confrontation, the answers she gets are definitely not the ones she was expecting. Similarly Jude goes her own way, getting hold of the diary and reading through it for clues. She knows it might jeopardise her relationship with Will but she needs to know, the fact that he keeps Robyn’s favourite cheesecake in the fridge just in case she comes back, strikes her as odd. Especially if he killed her. Sorrel surprised me the most as she seemed so calm and a definite ‘earth mother’ type. Jude notices her unstyled hair, the way she dresses and her lack of make-up, compared to the others. She cares so much about her husband Finnley, worried every time she returns home that she might find him dead. His depression has lead to weeks off work so far, so she’s surprised to find him heading out to for an emergency appointment. He’s a dentist with anaesthetic training and they need him to sedate a patient. Why is this patient so special? When she receives the blackmail message she goes to her secret bank account, finding it completely empty. How long has Finnley been blackmailed for? I almost expected her to crack but she doesn’t. Often just going through the motions at work and home, she’s just as determined as Jude and Victoria to nail this person. When the three of them find another dead body, the tension ramps up a gear. 

Once you’ve started to read, this is very hard to put down. I love Lisa Jewell and Louise Candlish and I found this very similar in the way it gripped me. It’s addictive and there are a few red herrings thrown in to keep you off the scent. It certainly didn’t go the way I expected. It’s telling that the author references The Handmaid’s Tale, as the women definitely pull towards each other as a team rather than the men in their lives. These women, although involved with men and wanting a partnership, are good at stepping back and looking for those red flags. In some cases they are instrumental in checking out their stories and even bringing anyone who needs it to justice, no matter how they feel about them. From a psychological point of view Will’s daughter Milly worried me. She’s clearly spent a long time with Robyn and has understandable issues with grief, but her reaction to seeing Jude in the room that was ‘Daddy and Robyn’s’ and the daily uneaten cheesecake were definite indications of trauma. It also seemed strange she didn’t have the same fixation on her actual mother. She may have been young when she died, but I wondered if Robyn hadn’t manipulated Milly into being her little ally. There’s nothing more attractive than a girlfriend your kids fall in love with. I did find myself having to go back after reading the unexpected final pages to see all the clues I missed. This is a great thriller, full of action, danger and unexpected twists. It’s also deliciously catty and full of gossip. A brilliant read for anyone who loves domestic thrillers. 

Meet the Author

C.L. Taylor is an award winning Sunday Times bestselling author of ten gripping psychological thrillers including EVERY MOVE YOU MAKE, a Richard and Judy Book Club pick for autumn 2024, THE GUILTY COUPLE, (Richard and Judy Book Club 2023) and SLEEP (Richard and Judy Book Club 2019).

C.L. Taylor’s books have sold over two million copies in the UK alone, hit number one on Amazon Kindle, Audible, Kobo, iBooks and Google Play, and have been translated into over 30 languages and optioned for TV.

Posted in Random Things Tours

Double Room by Anne Sénès

London 1990s – An up and coming French composer called Stan is invited to arrange music for a stage production of Dorian Gray. Although the play is never staged, he does meet Liv and she becomes the love of his life. They live together, joined by a daughter called Lisa. Their happiness fuels his senses with vibrant colours and melodious music.

Paris, Present Day – Stan lives in France at the Rabbit Hole, a house left to him by his aunt. He now shares his life with Babette, a lifeguard and mother of a teenage boy of Lisa’s age. They also share their home with Laïvely, a machine built by Stan and given Liv’s voice. As Stan becomes more engrossed in his past Laïvely starts to take on a life of her own. His life is about to implode.

This is, at heart, a love story. Told in flashbacks Stan reminisces over a golden period of his life when he and Liv fall in love. It’s no accident that they meet through a production of Dorian Gray because the author does bring it’s style and it’s moral into her novel. The first thing I noticed was the fact that Stan has synaesthesia, a fascinating neurological condition where colours or images evoke tastes or smells. The opening of Dorian Gray is so heady with scent it could conjure a symphony:

“The studio was filled with the rich odour of roses, and when the light summer wind stirred amidst the trees of the garden, there came through the open door the heavy scent of the lilac, or the more delicate perfume of the pink-flowering thorn.”

Some of Stan’s descriptions, as colour turns to scent and then turn to melodies, bring the senses alive in a similar way. For Stan, music is simply an extension of his sensory abilities, like a form of ESP. There is also the doubling aspects of both novels, captured in the book’s title. Dorian Gray’s portrait is the sum of his dissolute lifestyle, freeing him to experience more and more without it showing on his face. Stan presents his life in two narratives, the present in France and the past where he was at his most creative, happy and in love. His relationship with Liv is almost idyllic. They seem to be naturally suited, in total harmony and without a cloud in the sky. Anything he relates of his present can only suffer in comparison. We learn that he and Babette are compatible, but there is none of the life and vivid colour that comes from his reminiscence. We are all nostalgic about the past, but no relationship can be perfect especially when cramped into the average London apartment with a small baby. While it is touching and romantic, the cynic in me wondered was this a true picture? As for Liv, she is in technicolour in Stan’s flashbacks with her vivid red hair. However, all that life is now reduced to a communication device and no matter how Stan cuddles Laïvely to him, she is inanimate, merely a machine. In what way is this a fitting representation of the love of his life? It seems like, in the present, neither Stan or Liv is truly alive. When Stan trips one morning the giggle that comes from the device is strange, a laugh he’s not a encountered before. Could it be there is a hint of malice?

The other book mentioned heavily is of course Alice in Wonderland, inspiration for the name of Stan’s home in France. Another book where there are versions of the self and a blurring between what is real and unreal, something the author has carried into this novel successfully. Stan’s past has all the colour that his present is missing, but there’s something equally unreal about his present. It’s not that there isn’t a fulfilling life to be had. It’s just that Stan isn’t fully engaged. I felt as if the rest of his family had a life, but Stan has started to detach from it. The author’s layers of description evoke the 1990s in a nostalgic way, something I’m apt to do from time to time because it was my era. Laïvely is meant to bring Liv into the here and now, but it feels more like a conduit to the past dragging Stan further and further away from reality. He rarely mentions his or Babette’s child, until he and Téo have a row. He tells us Babette organises everything: celebrations, days out and holidays. Is this a natural division of their lives or is it simply that if Babette didn’t do it their life would run aground? Their relationship seems more about companionship and choice rather than love. It’s as if he has found a calm, steady presence who won’t overpower his senses.

The author cleverly fragments things, very slowly. When I turned a page and realised Stan had been injured by a cupboard door, I had to go back and work out how this had happened. The story continues in past and present chapters but the past starts to feel more coherent and real. Loss is a strange thing, even when you’ve moved on in life because the previous one is still there, haunting you. It becomes a parallel existence where you think about what life would be like now if you hadn’t lost that person. Stan can tell us long detailed passages about what Liv was wearing, the colour of her hair barrettes. He can relate details of their friend Henry’s visits, the eccentric musician has a good relationship with Stan’s daughter Lisa and is there to the end of their relationship. At Rabbit Hole Stan is becoming as inanimate as Laīvely. He’s eating and playing music, often in the same room as his family without hearing a word they say. At times he seems almost catatonic, unable to answer Babette when she knocks at his door. Then she tells him she has booked a holiday without him, choosing to take her son. Stan says nothing, the tension rising. I felt we were building towards something with our past timeline catching us up to why he and Liv are no longer together. I could understand him coming apart a little as he relives his story but this is complete disassociation. I was ready to be heartbroken for him and his daughter, but things are not always as they seem.

The author brings the truth to light brilliantly and I feared Stan’s mind was splitting. He has always remembered his and Liv’s relationship as an ideal. Often when we lose someone the tendency is to rewrite history and paint them as a good person who everyone loved, even glossing over addictions, criminality and all manner of bad behaviour. I’ve occasionally been to a funeral and wondered if the speaker and me knew different people. I can’t see the point of remembering something that isn’t real. Stan seems to imagine that he and Liv would have lived in this harmonious way forever, then as the truth emerges Stan’s perception of himself starts to shatter. Babette finds him catatonic and soaking wet, having to place him in a hot bath and slowly bringing him back to himself. It’s the most nurturing, selfless and loving part of the book and it’s all the more sad that he hasn’t before recognised or rewarded her love and loyalty.

“My partner has behaved like a mother, a loving and devoted wife. She had cared for me, comforted me, given me all the tenderness she could muster”.

He also realises that there were times he was too distant and distracted with Liv, that he stopped paying her attention. It was as if he had imagined them always walking towards a common goal but truthfully, he knows they were out of pace with one another. As the ‘tick, tock’ of the clock at the Rabbit Hole reminds us that the end is approaching we fully comprehend this heartbreaking story. This is no ordinary loss and it’s clear that Stan has never faced the truth of their final days until now. This is an emotional end that has one final twist to impart and it is devastating. It seems that Stan has always held on to Liv’s portrait, but is was a ‘painting turned against the wall’, keeping it’s secrets until that final terrible reveal.

Out Now From Orenda Books.

Meet the Author

Anne Sénès is a writer, translator and former journalist. She was born in Paris and studied at the Sorbonne, where she obtained a PhD in English studies. Her passion for Anglo-Saxon literature and culture has taken her all over the world, from London to Miami, via the south of France. She is currently based on the French Mediterranean coast. Chambre Double (Double Room) is her first literary novel.

Posted in Netgalley, Throwback Thursday

Missing Pieces by Laura Pearson

I’ve read a little bit of Laura Pearson before, so I did come to this expecting a moving and powerful story. It didn’t disappoint. When Bea is born it should have been a healing, new chapter for the family – mum, dad and older sister Esme. However, Bea was born to a family struggling in the aftermath of a tragedy. Esme was only seven years old when her sister Phoebe died suddenly and unexpectedly. It hits Esme hard because she was supposed to be looking after her sister. Their dad Tom feels an immense weight of guilt because he shouldn’t have stayed out later than expected. Esme’s mother is also wrestling with guilt and blame, she’d briefly popped next door to help a neighbour knowing that Tom would be home imminently. This is a story of a family, years later, struggling with unimaginable loss. How can they learn to forgive each other, or themselves?

Laura splits the story into two sections: the first months after Phoebe’s death interspersed with a narrative where Bea is trying to understand what happened to her family a couple of decades later. These feelings are coming to the surface because she herself is pregnant. I really enjoyed the section in the present day as Bea searches for the truth when her parents won’t ever talk about it. It reminded me of something my mum has recently done. Her first sister, Teresa, died on Bonfire Night 1959 and although she doesn’t remember everything she does have a memory of a tiny coffin that my grandad was carrying and putting in a black car. Mum tracked down a community group who were looking for the resting place of their stillborn babies in the same area where she grew up. Back then, if there was no money for a funeral or a grave plot then a baby might have been buried in a coffin with someone else or in a grave for several bodies. Three years ago she was able to take my grandma to a ceremony at the graveyard in Liverpool where a memorial was finally in place for babies lost and buried in a pauper’s grave on the site. It’s easy to underestimate how much the death of a baby affects other children in the house and i think we all underestimated how it still affected my grandma who is now 91. 

Bea feels like she’s lost part of her identity. This loss is part of their joint family history and no one is addressing or memorialising it. Of course this is tough for other family members, all of whom blame themselves. The loss for Bea and her older sister Esme is threefold: they lost a sister, they lost the relationships and life experiences they would have had as three sisters and they lost the happy family life they might have had if their parents hadn’t been carrying the weight of all that grief and guilt. As for the other characters in the book, I did find Linda a bit of a struggle. It’s clear she’s never fully connected with Bea and when we go back in time we can see her conflicting emotions over being heavily pregnant. She is buried by her grief for Phoebe and feels bad for being pregnant again. She doesn’t want to replace Phoebe and sometimes wishes she wasn’t pregnant. A combination of fear, guilt, sadness and anger take over and she really wasn’t there for Esme or Bea, once she’s born. In the past sections there’s an oppressive atmosphere that hasn’t fully lifted, even in the girl’s adulthood. Esme can’t talk with her father so Bea doesn’t stand a chance when wanting to ask questions. It would mean delving back into the pain and communicating honestly, but no one wants to go back into the raw grief and horror of that day. Bea wonders how she can be a good mother when she has no relationship with her own. Will the family be able to rally around her, find a way to talk and become a united family again?

It’s a trademark of Laura’s books that characters are forced to talk about difficult and frightening experiences or situations they find themselves in. I love the openness and honesty these issues need and it is like a counselling process if people can start sharing and healing. I did shed some tears at times. I thought the author’s depiction of the parent’s grief was realistic and raw. We’re let into every aspect of a characters mind, no matter what their thoughts might be. I could genuinely feel these character’s emotions and pain. Yes, this is intense. Somehow through, this isn’t off-putting. We’re given just enough glimpses of hope to lift the story, personified by the new start Bea’s baby brings to the family. I found myself gripped, willing these people to give themselves a break and stop being angry with themselves and each other. This is an emotional but satisfying novel that shows healing is possible, if we’re willing to do the work. Beautifully written, emotional and ultimately hopeful. 

Out now from Boldwood Books

Meet the Author

Laura Pearson is the author of five novels. The Last List of Mabel Beaumont was a Kindle number one bestseller in the UK and a top ten bestseller in the US. Laura lives in Leicestershire, England, with her husband, their two children, and a cat who likes to lie on her keyboard while she tries to write.

Posted in Personal Purchase

Fifty Minutes by Carla Jenkins 

Therapy was meant to solve her problems, not make them worse…

Smart twenty-year-old Dani is desperate to overcome her eating disorder, leave her dead-end job and return to her hard-won place at university. Using her limited earnings, she decides to start seeing a psychotherapist.

Richard Goode is educated, sophisticated and worldly-everything Dani aspires to be. As he intuitively unpicks her self-loathing, Dani assumes the fantasies she’s developing about him live only in her head. That is, until things take a shocking turn…

Descending into a maelstrom of twisted desire, manipulation and mistrust, the power struggle between Dani and Richard escalates until she’s forced to make a decision that might finally give her the freedom she deserves.

Dani has hit rock bottom. Her eating disorder is out of control and her declining mental health has meant suspending her place at university where she was studying English Literature. She’s now living in a flat with her sister Jo and her boyfriend Stevie, having to share with his daughter Ellie when she’s there for weekends. She’s working as a pot-washer to pay the bills, but longs to go back to university. Despite having very little money, she decides to see a therapist and has a session with Richard. She feels at home in Richard’s room, in the quiet with the smell of books and furniture polish. She feels like he listens and he seems perceptive, noticing her low self-esteem and anxiety. So she takes the decision to continue therapy with him, although he’s expensive. She starts to feel more positive, greatly reducing her bingeing and purging cycle. 

This was a setting I was very familiar with and although Richard has all the right certificates, counselling spiel and does detect Dani’s self-loathing, I kept feeling something wasn’t right. I couldn’t pinpoint anything in detail but I was concerned for Dani. She is so vulnerable. Her attraction to him wasn’t surprising. To have a man listen and understand her might be a first. He also embodies all the things she wants for her own life; qualifications, respect from others, a better standard of living. She has attachment issues so I was sure Richard would have expected some element of transference to creep into the relationship. I was also unsure about Dani’s home life. Her sister’s boyfriend, Stevie, seems like he’s easy going, tv loving, stay at home partner. He’s a good dad to Ellie, but with Dani I wondered if he wasn’t overstepping the mark. He likes things kept neat and tidy, the rent paid on time and Ellie to be safe and happy. There are a couple of occasions when he goes in quite hard on Dani for not being fit for work in the morning or for leaving her room in a state. I wasn’t sure whether this was concern or control? The author cleverly makes the reader unsure and with Dani in such a vulnerable place I was on high alert, like a mum of fledgling baby birds.

The author also keeps us unsure about Dani, not in the sense of believing her narrative, but as to whether she can genuinely break out of the cycle she’s in. As the book begins she’s still bingeing and purging as a means of managing her emotions, in fact this process is like a metaphor for how she manages her whole life. She wants her needs met, to feel emotionally filled or satiated. Then she needs to rid herself of it, to push it away before it gets taken away perhaps? She longs to be loved, but self-sabotages; something that Richard is very aware of and points out. Neither of the sisters have had that feeling of being loved or that they can feel safe within it, sure it won’t be taken away. They have been, at the very least, neglected by both parents. The girls are close, but are not as bonded as sisters can be within a loving family. There are times when Jo acts without realising what effect that behaviour might have on Dani. Thank goodness for Pat from work, who is steadfast in her care of Dani. Even in a complete crisis it is Pat who’s there for her, not her sister who’s busy making her own mistakes. Even when she’s been rebuffed or Dani has lashed out, Pat gives consistent care in a very motherly way and we see that best when Dani is ill. Dani doesn’t know she is beautiful. She knows men are attracted to her red hair and blue eyes, but never knows deep down that she’s worth anything. Besides, it’s always desire rather than love and care. However, she is adamant that she wants more from life. She wants to get better and study again. She knows this will help her get a better future, but she also thinks she’ll gain respect from others. She says that education is the only thing that can’t be taken away from her. I really understood that. 

The attraction to Richard is so complicated, but is bound up in her wanting a better life. There is an initial jolt of chemistry too. It’s something that should be talked about in the room, using the transference to work on Dani’s real needs for affection and worth. There is also counter-transference and both should be easy to recognise by a therapist who has Richard’s level of experience. She loves the way he reinforces her positive behaviours and finds ways forward, but she doesn’t realise she’s doing the work. He’s guiding her, but the achievements are hers. The author places clever little ‘lightbulb’ moments, such as Dani realising the picture she has of Richard in her mind, where he’s sitting in an armchair reading by lamplight, is actually an amalgam of an image she has of her father. It’s also very telling that when she’s sees him in casual rather than professional clothing, she feels let down and that attraction fades. It’s interesting that as boundaries start to break down, the last person she wants to confide in are Pat and Stevie, suggesting that she sees them as parental figures in her life. She knows if she tells them that they’d be angry and she wants to avoid that. She doesn’t like them being angry with her, but also they’d be angry on her behalf and might demand action. I thought it was interesting that she recognises Stevie in a parental role, when talking to her sister. Jo complains that he’s a homebody and they don’t really have fun together any more, but Dani points out that Stevie has always been a homebody. She tells her that this is the type of man she needs, even conceding that when he gets cross she doesn’t mind because at least he cares. 

Of course as counselling boundaries start to be overturned Dani starts to spiral. It’s a really tough part to read, because I was feeling parental towards her. She puts herself in some incredibly dangerous situations, trying to find experiences that fulfil her needs. I was hoping that she’d realise she’d pressed the self-destruct button before it was too late. She has the resources to succeed, but can she utilise them when she feels so unstable? Honestly, my heart ached for this girl and that tells you a lot about my issues with clients! I wished she’d gone to a female counsellor. She needed that female nurturing, a mother’s care and love. When it comes to a need and parents like Dani’s the only answer is to choose our family. There are further behaviours and revelations I won’t go into for fear of ruining the suspense and eventual outcome, but I was genuinely scared that Dani couldn’t pull back from the mess she was in. When someone has listened to your innermost thoughts they are a formidable agent for change and an even more powerful opponent. I had everything crossed that I’d underestimated Dani and that she could find those reserves to get through to the other side. This was a fantastic debut novel, full of suspense and stirring the emotions of the reader with real finesse. 

Out now from Trapeze Books

Posted in Personal Purchase

Eighteen Seconds by Louise Beech

My mother once said to me, ‘I wish you could feel the way I do for eighteen seconds. Just eighteen seconds, so you’d know how awful it is.’

I was reading this raw and painful memoir to discuss at my local book club Pudding and Pages. Sadly, my health wasn’t great that day and I wasn’t able to go. So I decided to tell all of you about it instead, because I love Louise’s writing and I identified very strongly with some of her experiences. This is such a psychologically astute story, from someone who has done a lot of work on their childhood trauma, even while being traumatised anew with the shock that comes on an ordinary morning. Normally, Louise would take her children to school and then have a walk along the path at the side of the River Humber and underneath the bridge itself. Her husband asks if she will take her walk earlier than normal as he has a package being delivered later and needs her to be home. She agrees, completing her walk earlier than usual, and returning home to a call from one of her sisters. Their mother has thrown herself off the Humber Bridge, it’s only by changing her schedule that Louise didn’t witness it. This call hits the reader like a punch to the gut and I’m sure that’s how she must have felt. If you’ve ever had a similar call you’ll know it hard to communicate the force of that moment. Your mind is still at home holding the phone while your body is grabbing the car keys and scrambling to reach A+E as soon as possible. 

Honestly, the siblings are shocked to find their mother alive when they reach the hospital. She landed, not in the water but on the path, causing multiple broken bones, internal bleeding and head injuries. As they navigate those first few hours Louise contrasts them with inserts that are flashbacks to their childhood. Their mum’s first suicide attempt flashes through her mind. The three girls were placed with grandma for several month, but Baby Colin had to be taken into foster care. Although losing their mum was terrifying for Louise’s younger twin sisters it must have been desperately traumatic for Colin who lost his whole family that day. She describes these months with grandma as the safest and most loved she ever felt. Their return to their mother heralded the worst years of their childhood, the abuse ranged from neglect to prioritising her own needs and emotions over that of her children. New relationships always came first, placing them in grave danger as she plunged headfirst into alcoholism. For Louise, as the eldest, it meant being a second mum to the other three while mum partied. In a way Louise became the identified problem of the family – she’s miserable, no fun and constantly moaning according to her mother and her male friends. It was an immense struggle to keep the younger ones happy, especially the girls who worried every time the door closed that their mother would ever come back. The didn’t know she was choosing to be in the pub. Louise’s attempts to get her mother to see what effect her alcoholism was having on the twins were met with either silence or insults, depending on which friend was drinking with her at the time. She just wants her mum to be responsible for her own children. 

This is such a hard read in parts but it isn’t without humour and hope. Once her mum is recovered enough to talk again, her sense of humour is restored and she is remarkably charming when she wants to be. I loved how the siblings handled her, with a patience and humour she barely deserves at times. I loved the sibling’s family WhatsApp group, including their Uncle Edwin who’s in Australia. Their ability to share gallows humour, even in the worst of circumstances reminded me a little of my family. Their discussions about her underwear and accusing Colin of sneaking it away, descends into uproar when he tells them it looks better on him. ‘Well you haven’t seen it on Edwin’, one of his sister’s hits back. My family and I used gallows humour all the time when my husband was dying. From my own experience I recognised the bulldozing that happens in MDT Discharge meetings, where everyone is agreeing to a plan you haven’t said yes to. Once I was told by an NHS Continuing Care nurse that my opinion didn’t really count because I wasn’t a nurse. No consideration to the fact that the care was happening in my house and I was the only full-time carer. In fact I was carrying out medical tasks such as pump feeding, suction and catheterising, so to all intents and purposes I was nursing him. The horror of realising there was nowhere for my husband to die broke me, because he didn’t have cancer so couldn’t go to a hospice. He wanted to come home but I couldn’t do it alone, Louise writes about similar issues in a very matter of fact way, because that’s the only way to be at times like this – blunt and forthright. Then in between the family uses humour to deal with a hurt that can’t heal and can’t change. 

I read this at a difficult time for my family, because my mum and her two sisters are dealing with care for my 90 year old grandmother, who has been a very difficult woman. My mum has felt completely overlooked by her mother, often left out of decisions or not considered when it comes to family memories or possessions. As the only daughter with any memory of her grandma (always referred to as Mother) she had hoped to be given her engagement ring when the time came, with her sisters receiving the wedding and engagement ring of their own mum. She was really upset to find her middle sister had been given Mother’s ring, with the other two going to her youngest sister. It wasn’t the item as much as the memory, not helped by my grandma saying ‘well the others really wanted them and I knew you wouldn’t make a fuss’. This total lack of consideration opened a Pandora’s box of hurt, including a terrible decision made when the family returned from a spell in Australia in the late 1960s. Having to accept housing away from their home city of Liverpool, they settled in Scunthorpe but both of my grandparents needed to work. My mother was twelve and her two sisters were pre-school age, so my grandma didn’t register my mum for school and left her at home caring for the younger children. This lack of education was devastating for my mum who felt like she was sacrificed for the good of her sisters and also felt ashamed that she had few qualifications. It affected her opportunities but also her confidence, leading to life long mental health issues. Despite this my mum shows incredible intelligence, is well-read and has had a lot of psychotherapy. I think that at the age of 72 she is very in touch with her authentic self and knows that she needs to ration the time spent with her mother, place careful boundaries around herself and us and accept a relationship that’s very one sided. I recognised a lot of my mum in Louise’s personal growth and that motherly relationship with her younger siblings. This book made me realise there are families like ours where intergenerational trauma is a very real part of life. I think the book holds out a lot of hope that with boundaries, solid friendships, somewhere to express the negative emotions and a lot of humour it’s possible to survive narcissistic parenting. Lastly, I admire Louise’s honesty and openness in writing this memoir so beautifully and I hope it has proved both cathartic and healing for her too.

Meet the Author

Louise Beech lives in East Yorkshire and grew up dreaming of being a writer but it took many years and many rejections for her to finally get a book deal in 2015, aged 44. Her debut, How to be Brave, got to No4 on Amazon and was a Guardian Readers’ Pick; Maria in the Moon was described as ‘quirky, darkly comic and heartfelt’ by the Sunday Mirror; The Lion Tamer Who Lost was shortlisted for the Popular Romantic Novel of 2019 at the RNA Awards and longlisted for the Polari Prize 2019; Call Me Star Girl was Best magazine’s Book of the Year 2019; I Am Dust was a Crime MagazineMonthly Pick; and This Is How We Are Human was a Clare Mackintosh Book Club pick. In 2023 her new novel, End of Story, will be published under the pen name Louise Swanson. Louise regularly writes short stories for magazines, blogs, and talks at universities and literary events.

Posted in Netgalley

The Cliff Hanger by Emily Freud

You think you know how this ends. Think again.

Goodness this was a wild ride, full of unexpected twists, characters that are pathological and a book being written within a book. Married couple Felix and Emma seem to have it all. They are the husband and wife team behind the hugely successful Morgan Savage thrillers. However, their latest novel isn’t coming as easily as their others. Felix is drinking to the point of blacking out and had an affair with a girl called Robin who worked for their publishing house. Emma is angry and popping anxiety pills any chance she gets. Their publisher Max, exiles them to the South of France in the hope that new surroundings for the summer will unlock their creativity. The house is beautiful, on a cliff overlooking the sea, when visiting housekeeper Juliette tells them a story about a painting that hangs in the house an uneasiness hangs in the air. The girl was prone to sleepwalking and one night got out into the garden and walked directly off the cliff edge. Sometimes, her cries can be heard at night. Under the sweltering sun, will the couple heal their differences or will they become trapped in a deadly game that beats the plot of any Morgan Savage bestseller. 

This is a slow burn thriller, but when it does start to speed up it’s like a runaway train. Emma seems quite rigid and tightly controlled, almost as if she’s stifling her true feelings or self. Felix appears to be the more relaxed of the pair, sociable and happy to succumb to the pleasures of France. The couple met in a New York book shop, where Felix was sitting with his well worn copy of The Catcher in the Rye. Emma had a studious air, probably from the extra large glasses she wore. Both had always wanted to write but hadn’t yet succeeded. Years later Emma has become a neutral wearing, elegant and sophisticated woman who doesn’t like to be out of control. As an editor she knows what sells when it comes to fiction and how to jazz up or change the structure of a manuscript to create a bestseller. She writes early in the day, always sending her chapter of the book to Felix by 10am and then relaxing by the pool. Felix receives the chapter alongside little notes with suggestions or directions for Felix to follow. He falls out of bed (or wherever he slept) whenever he wakes, often nearer to lunchtime than breakfast. He has a leisurely start with plenty of coffee and when he’s feeling human again he gets to the book. He accepts that this is the way their joint writing works, but since they’re in France why not take the odd day off? He knows that without Emma starting the novel he would struggle. He had dreams of writing a great literary novel one day, but it’s never happened. His skills lend themselves to being the face of Morgan Savage. He does the festivals and book readings, because his charm and abilities lend themselves to being out front. He even signs their books as Morgan Savage, so it’s usually him people recognise. Emma stays behind the scenes, preferring the work to the publicity. She starts the new book on their first morning and then pushes Felix into his chapter each day to keep the momentum. Even in the quiet it’s clear there are resentments between them, a marriage’s worth of petty differences building towards a crescendo. 

Over the days little snippets of their lives emerge until we finally see the full picture. The pace picks up and the chapters get shorter and I was soon racing through the chapters to see what would happen next. My other half found me sat on a kitchen stool, cooking and reading at the same time. It leaves you desperate to know what happens next. At one point I had to check how close I was to the end on my Kindle but found myself really confused when I still had 15% of the book left. I thought I’d reached the end, that’s how clever the twists and turns are. I loved the book within a book, especially the way they are writing characters that explored their own marriage. Each has their own version though and while Emma would signpost where Felix should go next, she would receive his chapter and find he’d develop a character with entirely the opposite emphasis and behaviour. They’re using their writing like couple’s therapy, working out the kinks and plot holes but also punishing and spiting their spouse at every turn. It gets even more exciting when the tone and quality of the writing start to change at one side of the partnership. There are mistakes in grammar and spelling, but is this a sign of deteriorating mental health, over use of drink or drugs or something more sinister. I found myself wondering whether I trusted either narrator. 

Juliette is the girl who services the property. A carefree and natural young woman who cycles the area doing odds and ends for work. She’s the epitome of the term free spirit and could be a prime opportunity for Felix to continue his philandering ways. However, he’s confused when Emma befriends her, despite them being so different. Emma is also affected by Juliette’s story of the girl falling from the cliff and even has a bout of sleepwalking herself. Felix finds her in a trance in the living room and convinces her to go back to bed. Is this a reaction to Juliette’s story or something else? Emma was starting to remind me of Parker Posey’s character in the latest series of The White Lotus, uptight and reliant on pills to function. Could this be why the quality of the writing deteriorates or is Felix busier in his blackouts than previously thought? Just because he can’t remember doing anything, doesn’t mean he isn’t. This was a great story to get my teeth into and honestly, if they’d come to me as therapist, I might have asked them if they’d considered living apart. It’s a toxic atmosphere from the moment they arrive, but just when you think you’ve worked out why and what’s really going on it will surprise you again. As we go back in time, using flashbacks to important events, we can see how their romantic and professional lives began but these glimpses started to make me question what I thought I knew. I wanted to race back through the chapters to search for the clues that brought us to the unexpected conclusion. This was a thrilling and atmospheric read, with a brilliant portrayal of how a relationship has become toxic. If you love relationship dynamics partnered with a whole amusement park of twists and turns this will be your next completely unputdownable read. 

Out 8th May from Quercus

Meet the Author

Emily Freud is the author of four thrillers: My Best Friend’s Secret, What She Left Behind, Her Last Summer and, coming in 2025, The Cliffhanger. She spent her career working on award-winning television programmes, including Educating Yorkshire, First Dates, and SAS: Who Dares Wins – as well as developing original programming for all the main broadcasters.